I realised something today. Often I do not spend time with you on my weekends.
I was already aware of this. But I had narrowed my reasoning down to a certain busyness of life and loss of routine. However, I now realise it is far more involved than this. As Friday evening rolls around, I naturally get excited (no work for two days). I get excited for a weekend of doing some stuff that I like to do. I am choosing the day I want. I now realise this weekend busyness and loss of routine is actually largely self-directed. In that process, God gets pushed out of the picture. I zoom in on myself. And for two days, the Kingdom of Joff triumphs over the Kingdom of God.
I then realised something else. Often on a Sunday evening, I am more drawn to the things of you.
On a Sunday evening, I am more inclined to pray for the week ahead. I am more inclined to consider the things of God. Again something I have been aware of. But today, I realised this is not just because I attend an evening church gathering. It is because I am zooming back out at a week ahead. I see and am confronted with my personal insufficiency to meet the unknown needs of the days ahead. All of a sudden, I am looking to the things that you offer me Father. I need your strength. I need your help. I need your presence. I need your grace. All of a sudden, I need you again.
On a Friday evening, the Kingdom of Joff in the heart of the city declares its independence. And on a Sunday evening, the Kingdom of Joff raises the white flag of surrender to a loving Father.
Oh Father, make me see the futility in living for myself! What a waste of life! Only you can satisfy. Thank you for exposing me to the war that I wage with you, and yet how you extend with open arms and pierced hands, grace. It is genuinely hard for me to fathom your patience with me in this. You see my hypocrisy and love me still. That is an image I want to image. Let this love of yours sink deep into the foundations of my heart. Only your Spirit can do this work. Make me willing.
Joff, lay down your arms of independence. Come home.
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven” (Matthew 5:3)
“Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.” (Romans 7:24-25)